Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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