but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
