So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
