Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
