Duck Duck Cougar?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
