If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
