I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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