Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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