omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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