I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
