I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
