One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
