Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
