So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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