He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
