mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
