i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
