She said her name was "party"
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im six kinds of drunk right now
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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