I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
