8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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