dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
