he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
