he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
