Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
