Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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