Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
