hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
