glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
