How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
