Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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