I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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