I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
