nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
