I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
