hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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