she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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