so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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