As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you never un-have a 4some
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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