I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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