Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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