i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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