I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
