I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
