I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
