i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
