I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
