Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
