I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
