Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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