At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
