The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize