Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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