She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
