They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
