The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
