did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
