She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
