Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sorry my hands just texted you
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
