I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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