i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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