Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
