last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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