people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
