u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
