I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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