So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize