i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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