how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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