At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
