someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
