i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
