You made me cry and you don't even care
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
