i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
