My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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