Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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